I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
