I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Randomize
