Who did Billy Mays play for?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
