dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
