Well douche your snatch and let's go!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I am midnight drunk by noon
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
