That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
