do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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