we have pet lesbian snakes
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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