he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
