Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
