There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
