Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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