we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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