Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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