worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
