I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
