I faked an abortion last night.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
