All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
