I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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