Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
