saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
