i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
