Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
