So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
