i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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