In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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