so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
