So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
