headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Rumble strips road head = magical
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
