I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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