he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
