so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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