So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I FOUND THE LEGS
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
