I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
