remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
