who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
