Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
