I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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