I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
