he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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