i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
