I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
