If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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