the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
