My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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