I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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