My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
