My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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