The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
