He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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