Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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