So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
