Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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