but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
