just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
