Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
