Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
