why didn't you poke me back
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
