i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
