yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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