Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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