I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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