I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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